Change a Core Teaching

The buddha told us that everything is impermanent, change is a constant, and attachment is the source of dukkha (suffering).

From the physical world to our thoughts and emotions, they are all impermanent, meaning nothing lasts forever and is subject to change, arising and ceasing.

Fear of change and attachment is due to the insecurities of not knowing and of course in all change there has to be a loss of what once was. We find safety and security in the known which is why we often cling to the past with much vigour.

Even if the known past can be harmful, destructive or an untruth it is still perceived as a known and therefore there is a level of safety and security, a perception to ‘feel’ safe in which humans take comfort in no matter how damaging.

Humans will actually expend great effort and energy to maintain such attachments to the past hoping it will bring everlasting happiness in the clinging process to past loves, things we cherish or ideologies. But in reality all of these things are impermanent and thus will long term only lead to suffering and if held on to tight will form into negative beliefs, thoughts, behaviours and actions.

We live in a realm of perpetual change so holding on to the past will inevitably create much suffering. Trying to hold on to our youth is an obvious form of suffering because no matter how hard we try, how much money we spend in trying to maintain our youth we will eventually fail causing much anxiety and depression as the realisation of this hopeless cause dawns upon us. I feel this especially affects people within the middle age period of life as what they once were is still very much within vivid memory.

Yet we all find ourselves doing it from time to time, its human nature and without a heightened level of awareness humans will always behaviour like humans always do, so we must have a level of understanding and kindness to ourselves and others who are experiencing similar feelings of dukkha.

Let’s take a deeper look at human grief. There is no getting away from it, sadly all of us will experience grief at some point in our lives. We must acknowledge that grief is not a punishment or a failure, it is part of the human condition, we do not suffer because life is broken in some way, we suffer because we expected it not to change, especially when it’s out of natural sequence like a mother losing a child or a young child losing a parent way before their expected due date.

By trying not to grieve would be a form of suppression and illness may well follow and often does. We should grieve consciously with the understanding that grief will also change, like waves on an ocean, rising and falling until it dissipates onto the shore.

For ones who might suffer they may try to hold on to the memories of their past love ones, allowing them to feel closer to them which is only natural but if done unconsciously and over a period of time maybe not so wise.

“Unless a grain of wheat falls into the earth and dies, it remains alone. But if it dies, it bears much fruit” (John 12)

“Blessed are those who mourn, for they shall be comforted” (Matthew 5:4)

- Jesus -

Jesus teachings he may be saying what dies gives birth to something deeper new life and offers hope that in grief we will not be abandoned. While the Buddha teaches impermanence and letting go. One could merge these together by saying that in letting go, we are held.

In grief we may try to hold on to certain activities that we used to do together or maybe a favourite possession of theirs, but all of this is in the past which will inevitable only bring up more torment and pain. Reminding us that we will never experience their physical love and presence ever again. Do you think our love ones would want to see us holding onto the torment and pain or do you think they would prefer to see us happy and thriving.

Sometimes we may experience guilt followed by shame, that if I am happy or if I’m perceived to be getting on with life it lessens the love we both shared for each other and that they will be forgotten in time, which is of course understandable but also slightly delusional nevertheless.

This is human nature turning what was pain into something more, suffering. The Buddha taught that pain is unavoidable (like physical discomfort) we often turn it into suffering through our reactions and attachments. In other words, it is a choice, you may be in pain but you don’t have to suffer that pain, at first glance the two sound similar but there is a subtle difference in their meaning.

Trying to hold on to previous experiences or trying to recreate them is only going to cause more suffering and will prohibit us creating new opportunities, new experiences with future relationships and human connections which is ultimately what the human being desires above anything else, loving connection. We will never forget them or those shared memories, how could we when we loved them so deeply. Yet we are here and they are gone, how does being trapped in the cycle of the past with the emotional roundabout that comes with it helpful in any moment.

Here's the paradox of the living experience, life is in a perpetual state of constant change, yet the past never changes. Those moments of joy and laughter that once was experienced will stay with us forever and make up who we are today. In other words, their love is in us, they have merged themselves into our being forever making us the person we are today. So, ask the question how can we lose them when they live within us. Their smile emanates joy when we smile, they are part of our identity and will remain so until it’s our time for us to move on and to experience other experiences in other dimensions.

What we humans call a body is not ours, we are only borrowing it, it’s only an avatar made from the earth. Anywhere from 60-100 trillion cells and 40 trillion bacteria all with their own individual life force that makes up the human body as we know it. It is born of the earth, our mothers while pregnant with us in her loving womb ate a banana and within two hours that banana become a part of us, our bodies. If we all chopped off our right arm, would we not still be here?

So, we know the actual you/I is not the body, our body is just the vehicle for us to express ourselves through while we are all having this human experience called life on earth.

That poses the question, if we are not the body what are we? Western science says by rational deduction that we are the mind that is housed in the brain, forgetting that the brain is also made from mother earth, the banana. The Brain is the processor, decoding all the environmental information that surrounds us.

Maybe we think it’s our thoughts, but that can’t be true either as thoughts come and go constantly so how can the thoughts possibly be us.

Modern science is missing one simple but vitally profound detail, which is always constant and always present and never dies. The missing piece of the puzzle is the one thing in the universe that breaks all other universal laws that govern us on earth……… AWARENESS.

What is it that is aware? What is it that is aware of our thoughts coming and going? What is it that is aware of our physical sensations? What is it that is aware of our emotions? What is it that is aware of our suffering?

It is the awareness that is aware, consciousness, the luminosity, the light, the god spark which some called the soul. The soul which derives directly from source, it is source, it is a part of God, the creator of all things. Within the western culture there is a new religion, a new belief far more destructive, theoretical scientism and materialism. It saddens me when I observe how the west has drifted so far away from the loving truth of reality.

As we incarnate into these earthy bodies, the God spark, the soul, the awareness that is aware already has an intention. An intention of what it wants to experience in the human journey. When we are very young, we sometimes maintain some sort of awareness of this intention but as we grow, we lose the knowledge of the soul’s intention and forget it ever existed. We forget because if we remembered then the whole point of the human experience would be pointless and all the awe and discovery of a human life would be lost.

What each individual souls intentional or desire to experience is purely for them to discover and is not anyone else’s business. Choosing a bad experience over a pleasant one might seem to be confusing but remember this is a very short human experience compare to eternity, so maybe we can start to see the logic in it.

Why would a soul choose to have an experience that is painful. For me the answer is easily answered, there is no growth within a pleasant experience. Growth only comes from struggle and strife, wisdom only come from resistance and suffering. A muscle only grows when it’s been put under stress, when the muscle fibres tear it has an opportunity for growth and repair so it can heal even stronger than it ever was before.

What is life, life is a set of constant cycles of soul experiences. It is the same for all sentient being from humans to animals to plants, a infinite amount of experiences being experienced and felt so God can know itself through the eyes of its eternal souls. How can an eye see itself, to experience it needs an opposing self hence the birth of dualism. How wonderful it is to have the opportunity to experience a myriad of things. One could say we reincarnate into these bodies to experience what we are not on the other side, what a gift, what a blessing.

Grief is not a sign of weakness, it is a symbol of love. Change is not the enemy, it is the nature of life. Grief and change can often be a gateway to an explosion of compassion, an awakening to the true reality and a deeper understanding of peace and equanimity. How would anyone know happiness if they have never experienced sadness. How can we know love without knowing hate or loss.

If we play attention to our emotions, we will realise that the more destructive emotions arise when we are generally in a state of drift, often when we are alone or pondering while in bed. When the mind is allowed or has space to drift we loosen our grip of our conscious mind and our subconscious tends to show itself. The subconscious mind is where all our conditioning and emotional responses are stored, one might say an alternative state of being develops, a state of being in which we have less control of.

The subconscious is a reactive response triggered by thought, a certain previous experience or similar experiences or events. If we consciously keep our awareness fully engaged in the now we cannot experience the past and its related emotions because in the present moment they cannot exist, they only exist within a memory, a singular neuron in the processor, the brain or so current science says.

These emotional memories only arise when we are not present or partly present and they are usually exaggerated and magnified. When they arise, they are triggered by subconscious reactions. We are not only feeling the related emotion but also all the similar related emotions of the past. We don’t just feel sad because of a single said event, but we feel an accumulation of all the previous times we have ever been sad all mixed together in the one big inflated felt moment which in itself fuels the fire even more. This is why it is so destructive to live from past memories, experiences that no longer exist.

To be fully engaged and present at all times can be extremely exhausting, so practice is needed then it becomes effortless. Sitting in non-judgement awareness is the practice, being aware of what arises and just watching it arise, nothing more. Just watch how it makes us feel, watch how the body sensations change with the hormonal releases that are linked to the magnified conditioned responses of incorrect thought. Just watch them and don’t get involved with them, just watch and see what they do and then watch them pass. By watching and not getting involved with them dissolves their power into the ether and are present no more.

Watch with the awareness that is aware. It creates a little space, a little distance away from the trauma. At first some of us may feel a slight detachment which may be alarming but be assured it quickly becomes an acquired skill which is very beneficial. We need courage to break the cycle of suffering but we also need understanding and compassion towards ourselves, we need a heightened level of awareness as the master controller. The skill is to recognise the triggers before they arise and get hold of us and act accordingly with a watchful presence of awareness, sometimes you may find they dissolve instantly.

Understanding how our minds work is essential to be able to live a joyful life, being able to prioritise the things that are really important not the things of the past that control us in the current moment.

We need to remind ourselves to be kind when we are feeling slightly off, emotional or sad. It is absolutely fine just to be sad and sometimes we may need to give ourselves permission to just feel what is. There is no law stating you cannot be sad, angry or frustrated, just like there is no law saying you can't be happy, joyful or at peace. They are just emotions that come and go, they are not you, they are just feelings, good or bad is not of any relevance.

Whether you judge arising emotions as good or bad, they are actually neither. Emotions being felt are is a set of chemicals surging through our veins making us feel a certain way. They will always pass, when have they ever not passed. Sadness turns into joy, joy turns into sadness, it’s the universal law of change of which the Buddha was so aware of.

The past is the past there is nothing you can do to bring it back no matter how hard we try or how much we want to, this will only create suffering. The acceptance of change based in awareness is the golden ticket out of suffering.

A beautiful flower while enjoyed, is ultimately impermanent. Recognising this allows one to appreciate it fully while it lasts without clinging to it or being saddened by its eventual withering.

Living in the past stops you living in the now, in the present moment is where fulfilment and peace exist. Try it, eat some of your favourite chocolate while occupying your mind on something else like a film on the television and tell me how the experience was. Now go into an empty warm cosy room and closed your eyes. Fully experience the chocolate as it melts slowly onto your anticipating taste buds, what a wonderful experience you have just experienced, when practiced and the awareness increases it can become quite magical.

Magic is everywhere, all around us if you apply the same conscious awareness. Try it with everything, even while you’re on the toilet and tell me that it was not a phenomenon sensation afterwards and yet 99% of the time you are unaware of how magical it really was because of all the conditioned cogitations attached to taking a poo. But there is nothing more important than a toilet when you’re bursting to go and there is not one in sight, and yet there's an overwhelming sense of gratitude when we finally lay eyes on an appropriate symbol attached to a swing door.

This world, this life is full a wonder, magic, beauty and joy if you stay present and start playing real attention, I mean real attention. The above won’t happen by itself we need to invest time practicing and maintaining a balanced mind, a mind aware of itself in the now. Just allow yourself to totally let go and accept whatever is occurring right this second without judgment or preference, go on, I dare you. Discover and explore the beauty in recognising the awareness that is aware.

In summary, pain is not permanent, it will change. The ache in your heart is love trying to find a new form. The tears we shed, water the seeds of compassion. Let us not fear change, but walk with it. Let us not run from grief, but learn from it and let us remember, love does not die, it transforms.

- Fuso -